Me and Mr McNeill

This was written a month agoish to my Year 13 Director, letting him know about my "apostasy."
I felt he had a right to know, given what he requested at the end of the year. He did reply, and he did show concern, but I don't think he had a lot to offer, given how hugely invested in the faith he was, he could afford to take my concerns seriously. Fair enough. I don't think I would've been able to either. I started a bit of something but it didn't really get anywhere, which was fine.


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Hi Jodie,

It's Michael Thackray. Hope things are well with you.

I recall towards the end of our year 13 course you told us to give you a call, or a buzz if we find ourselves sliding away. That's what I'm doing now.

It totally sucks. Basically I'm trying to do the right thing, seek the truth sincerely, calling out to God a crapload, and I find the more sincerely and properly I do it the further away I get from Christianity, more so the church.

It's obviously very complicated, and I'm considering everything carefully. I still pray a lot too.

I won't raise the billions of reasons for and against here, namely because it'd be a pointless endeavour, and I'm tired of being told things I've been told for 21 years as if I've never heard them before.

It's not a blanket rejection of Christianity or the church for that matter. I still think there's lots of truth and good stuff in there, but I cannot pretend to be certain about it unanimously. I feel more appreciative of God than ever, and Jesus and his resurrection still remain very interesting.

I am not putting myself above God, and I'm not rebelling against him.

People's attitudes tend to assume that I'm doing those things. On the contrary my hunger for him has never been so veracious and that desire for something real has been what's lead me here in the first place. It's very difficult seeing the people who were a big part of my life jump to these conclusions to discredit me. I'm not bitter, or resentful, I would have done the same thing. It still hurts though.

So that's pretty much it. Basically I'm standing back and saying "I don't know," and that's after a lifetime of thinking I did.

You have a right to know, with Year 13 and all that. I'm more than happy to talk about it.

I guess that's all.

Hope everything is well with you,

Michael Thackray,

P.S. I heard about the bus accident with your kids. Pretty crazy. Was relieved to hear that they were okay.

Also, I am following you on Twitter.